Last month, for our dharma talk, we began discussing the topic of mindfulness. Mindfulness being bringing our body and mind intentionally into the present moment. To experience without expectation, to wonder in awe with gratitude for the existence of right now- everything we have, the people surrounding us, or even just the breath that we take as we experience the present moment.
One of the things we decided at the end of our talk was to really focus on how we can be more attentive in the present moment.
Some of us chose to study the art of breath work, and breathing in our anxious moments.
Some of us chose to practice the simple art of staying in the moment while doing a non strenuous activity.
Some of us chose to work on the art of mindful eating, and practicing the art of being intentional with our meals.
What we find when we lean into the present moment is that some moments are good, and others:
might actually have suffering in it.
We could be stressed about work, stressed about relationships, stressed about money, about our current political situations.
And so what do we do when we find ourselves in a moment of suffering? How do we relate to our suffering and how do we make peace with it? Is it even possible to find peace and suffering at the same time?
The challenge is to make peace with our pain and suffering while being mindful at the same time.
So let’s think about this past week. Maybe type in the chat section some type of suffering that we experienced. Work related, spouse related, news related- anything where it felt like we were truly suffering.
Let’s relate this to some of the Buddha’s teaching for a second.
When the Buddha gave his first dharma talk, this was in a place called Deer Park Monastery. His first dharma talk consisted of the four noble truths and the eightfold path.
first noble truth- life has suffering.
second noble truth- life has suffering because of cravings, desires, and attachments. (This will be what we focus our topic on today- and also the 3rd which is the remedy.
third noble truth- By letting go of these cravings and attachments, it’s possible to reach nirvana
fourth truth- the path to nirvana is the eightfold path.
We are going to talk about how to incorporate the 8thfold path into everyday situations- and how the third noble truth can be practiced by achieving a state of “NO I” and “Right view.”
How to practice letting go of our cravings, attachment, desires.
Lets break down what they mean by cravings, attachment, desires.
Attaching your mental state (happiness, sadness, anxiety) off of the projected perception of a person, a place, thing, situation, or circumstance.
when i eat at my favorite restaurant= i am happy.
when i don’t eat at the place i want to eat= i am sad. resentful. insatiable.
when i am around my mom= i feel anxious. i get migranes. i am embarrased by how she acts in public.
when i am around my best friend= i feel happy. i feel bonded. i feel validated. i feel seen.
when i am on vacation= i feel relaxed. i feel care free.
when i am having financial difficulty= i feel like a failure. i have a scarcity mindset. I’m worried about my ability to provide. i feel depressed.
“Anything that you build up has to come down.”
lets talk about our favorite place to eat. favorite meal from that place.
if i go to the restaurant, my meal is perfect= i am validated. i am happy. i am full.
if i go to the restaurant, my meal is cooked badly= i get angry. i get upset. i feel like i’ve wasted my time. disappointed. resentful.
both of these situations arise from having an “attachment” to this food. we have projected the value and the worth of something based off of every single experience we have with it.
Is the food what makes you happy? Can the food be permanent- Is the food cooked the same way every single time? Does it taste the same every single time?
No. Because the food itself is an inpermanent projection of your happiness. If it was, it would always be the same. everytime you go it would be perfect. It would taste the exact same. it would look the same way.
The problem isn’t really the food. the problem is the expectation we have of that food to be perfect every time.
it’s our projection of what it should be.
we have a craving for a specific meal. this ends in suffering if our craving doesn’t meet expectation. then we get sad 😦
it’s not the food its us.
and we also do this to people.
in relationships-
if they act the way i think they should= great.
if they act any other way=bad.
we cant control other people.
not only do people project onto us creating suffering, but we project onto them which ALSO creates samsara of suffering.
“they should know that i hate that meal.” “They know laundry needs to be done.” “She never makes time for me, even though i make time for her.”
we do this to places as well.
work= stressful environment
traffic= awful. worst thing ever.
state of loneliness= because we’re not around someone, we feel detached from the world- bad thing.
if we bring back to your example of what happened this past week that was bad, we can place these in the catagory of: cravings, attachment, desires.
Cravings-
I wanted this, but i didn’t have the money to buy it.
I wanted this, and when i got it, it wasn’t what i expected.
attachment-
they didn’t validate my reason for being mad, so they’re a jerk who doesn’t listen.
My sister is in a different state, and I miss my sister dearly.
This defense mechanism of shutting down has worked to get me through my trauma, so now everytime i feel overwhelmed, i must shut down to feel safe.
Desires-
If i did _ and _, I would be more successful.
I would love to have this sweet treat, it makes my day so much better.
If my boyfriend did this, it would make me feel so special.
I wish everyone would have sympathy for all walks of life, this world would be a much better place.
we can all agree, whether those “feelings”/thoughts are true or not true, it creates our reality/perception, and ultimately, how we view the world. when our views are negative, this creates suffering.
So if our goal is to eliminate suffering, you might ask yourself:
supress? No.
We need to become aware of our negative thoughts,
and reframe them in our mind,
in order to lose our attachments and cravings that cause us suffering.
In order to do this, we need to take a trip into our brain and learn the system of how our brain creates these attachments and desires that hold us back.
If we can learn how we cause our own suffering, we can reframe and rewire our brains to think differently, causing our outcomes to be more positive, with less suffering.
lets think about how we think about things.
Right View:
normally when we think about our “views” on a topic, we are debating whether or not something is good or bad, right or wrong, a or b.
right view in buddhism is learning not to take sides. its seeing everything as inter-connected instead of a traditional dualistic approach of right or wrong. it’s realizing that the truth looks different to different people, and what may work well for you, doesn’t have to work well for me. there can be multiple sides to the truth. there can be multiple truths. its opening up a concept from yes or no, right or wrong, and expanding the viewpoint of the argument-making it not an argument but a conversation.
“When we base value off of whether something is good or bad we turn it or them into an object. We objectify things, giving them a value based on what they can do for us.”
When we sit these views in our minds, of what we like, what we don’t like- we limit those things. We confine them into a specific box, we label it. we revoke the value of its full potential and we don’t allow us to see all the parts of that thing.
II: “We trap ourselves into lifestyles with our views and this creates suffering”
Your point of view is precisely that. a POINT of view. not the truth.
this is where ego comes in. if you can understand that there are different truths for different people, and allow space for diversity of truth, then you can transform your lens to a compassion, buddha nature lens.
Our wrong views will make one reality right and by default, the opposing view wrong. by our ego.
We need to change our dualistic way of thinking. Dualistic thinking only creates complexes:
superiority complex
inferiority complex
leaves no room for equality. no room to see each other as equals and pushes us away from the state of “inter-being”
non attachment to views: being open to others’ insight to expand truth through compassion, deep looking- not intellectual knowledge.
Let’s look at how the brain works to validate the reality that you create for yourself:
actions
words
thoughts
feelings
view
8th fold path:
view
thinking
speech
actions
livelihood
diligence
mindfulness
concentration
thinking> feelings:
When we get an uneasy feeling, our first habit is to let our mind create negative thoughts.
subconscious/conscious level- something you may or may not be able to catch, something you should not try to change. no repressing.
repression=resentment=blow-ups
cause of negative self talk as well, not conducive
These thoughts coming from trauma or boredom:
people, places, and circumstances that are from our past and future.
Especially when our mind is bored but our body is unrested, (tension or intuition of bad) that subconsciously creates “noise” for our thoughts to come up.
so if you want to create less suffering, you have to start by not taking your “thought” as bible!
hard work because it involves the ego “no I”
Your thoughts do not have to be an accurate prediction. Your thought doesn’t have to be true. Your observation about that person doesn’t always fit the accurate portrayal of who that person is. No one is perfect, right?
If you are in a situation, where one thought after the other thought comes FULL OF NEGATIVITY. i want you to stop having correspondence to those chain of thoughts.
spider analogy- creating your reality off of one thought.
stop negotiating with your thoughts. stop battling. allow it, understand the thought, call it out, and then do not allow it to grow legs. or eight legs. or build webs in your mind.
hang up the phone. call coming from inside the house.
Thay analogy:
attachment from ANY view, even thought that the buddhist view is correct or only correct, is still a bad attachment.
You have to detach yourself from a view being right or wrong.
“you have to release them in order to go higher” -Thay
you are allowed to have thoughts and those thoughts be incorrect. you are allowed to think something is bad and not act on that thought. you are allowed to think bad thoughts but still have a good day. But if you attach yourself to your thought being true, you burn your own hand.
if you can stop yourself from going to the next stage, bad speech. you have completed a cycle!
right speech:
if you don’t stop it from building up thoughts, eventually your words will become negative as well. it’s like spewing from your brain through your mouth.
I don’t have to give a speech, because we all know someone who’s so negative and bad to be around that we avoid them like the plague.
this is easier to notice and spot because we take more notice of our words and conversations than we do our thoughts.
trying to not speak a negative sentence for an entire day.
hard because of the people that surround you as well.
